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NLP | acknowledge
You Don’t Acknowledge Me

by Dr. Vesna Grubacevic


If you have ever wondered why your customers, colleagues, team members or manager never comment on your work or acknowledge you for the good job you have done, this article will provide you with some insights.

Each to Their Own

As you know, people are different and have different ways of relating to other people and situations around them.   One of the ways that we relate to people and situations around us is based on how we seek feedback on how we are doing.  There are at least three different feedback preferences, and you, your customers, colleagues, team members and manager have one of these preferences at an unconscious level.

Some people know that they have done a good job when they receive feedback from other people or they see their results – these people have an external feedback preference.  For example, if you wait for your manager to comment on how you have done before you send out a proposal, you probably have an external feedback preference.

Other people know that they have done a good job and no one needs to tell them, they just know – these people have an internal feedback preference.  For example, if you have just finished writing a proposal, you will know inside by how you feel; you will know that you have done it well.

Some people need both types of feedback, external and internal.  For example, if you finish writing the proposal, you will know inside by how you feel you did, plus you will also check with your manager as external feedback.

Acknowledging Yourself and Others


Firstly, be aware of your preference for feedback.  Do you get annoyed when you receive well meaning and constant feedback from your customers, colleagues, team members or manager as to how you have done?  Do you wish they would stop telling you how you are doing because you already have the internal knowing of how you are doing?  Or would you prefer to receive feedback from them so that you know that you are on track and doing well?  Do you miss being acknowledged when you do a good job and wish that other people would say something?  Perhaps you have a balance of both preferences?

Once you are aware of your preference, then observe the preferences of the people around you.  Notice how they respond to you when you give them feedback, and notice how they respond to you in the absence of that feedback.  After observing their response over a little while, you will soon realise their preferences, and importantly, the best way for you to relate to them from then on.  You will then know how to respect their personality preferences, which will strengthen your relationship with them and create greater harmony between you.

Constructive Feedback

If your customers, colleagues, team members and manager have an external feedback preference, you will also want to make sure that when you do give some feedback on how they are doing that the feedback is constructive rather than negative.  You want to encourage them to keep doing well, to improve and to grow as a person.  

An effective way to offer constructive feedback is to follow these simple steps:
   •   Tell the other person what they did well
   •   Tell them what they could do differently next time to improve
   •   Overall, end with a positive statement

Notice the greater harmony, rapport and connection you can create in your professional relationships by being aware of your and their preferences, and by providing constructive feedback as appropriate.

How you too can promote yourself effectively, lead and motivate your team, and grow a successful business.



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