When was the last time you heard your partner, friend, family member or colleague make an excuse why they can’t do something? Are you tired of hearing “I can’t afford it”, “I am too busy”, “Sorry I was late”? Would you like to stop those excuses and empower your loved ones and colleagues instead?
What are excuses?
You have probably heard lots of excuses. Your partner, friends, family members and colleagues have probably used a number of excuses – the economy, their manager, their team, the traffic, the weather, their fears, being tired, lack of time or money, etc.
Excuses are reflected in the language that we use. When you hear “yes, I can…, but..” usually an excuse follows the “but”. When you hear “I can’t….”, “It won’t….”, etc. these are also excuses. Underpinning these excuses are often unconscious beliefs that limit our success. For example, if someone consistently makes the excuse “I am too tired”, that becomes their reality. Their relationships and whole life revolve around lack of energy, and that is what they keep creating for as long as they have that belief.
Are you a Facilitator?
Anytime you hear anyone rationalize why they do not have what they want, they are making excuses for not having it. For example, “I can’t join you for a walk because it is too hot/cold to exercise.” What is interesting is that given the same weather conditions, other people demonstrate total commitment, follow through and achieve what they want.
Excuses are simply that, just reasons for not having the success that we want. Once we stop making excuses, our success improves dramatically. When you accept your partner’s, friends’, family members’ and colleagues’ excuses you are disempowering them and yourself. You keep them stuck in their problem by accepting their excuse and you become the facilitator of their excuses. Once you stop buying into other people’s excuses, you inspire and empower them and yourself at the same time.
Excuse Yourself from Excuses
Before you can stop excusing your partner, friends, family members and colleagues from their excuses, first you need to stop making excuses yourself. The people who are most successful in their relationships and in life are unwilling to accept their own excuses. Once you stop buying into your own excuses, it is a lot easier to stop accepting other people’s excuses because you are far more objective to come up with solutions instead.
When you are accountable to yourself and are excuse-free, you will attract people who are accountable too. Like attracts like! However, if you find yourself making excuses, you will attract people who also make excuses.
Excuses take a lot of effort, focus and energy – it takes some creativity to come up with a different excuse each time. How much brain power, mental focus and energy did it take to create and come up with the excuses in the first place? Probably longer than it would have taken for you to do whatever you avoided doing. Imagine the success you could achieve if you redirected that energy and mental focus towards generating creative solutions for yourself.
Here are two ways to empower yourself right away:
1. A simple exercise. Notice the excuses that people around you are making and look for a pattern. For example, if you notice that a number of people (your partner, friends, family members, colleagues, etc) are saying “I can’t afford it”, take note of this. Next, ask yourself where you are making a similar excuse. Then stop making that excuse yourself. If it is a belief around money, for example, make sure you address that belief in a permanent way so that it stops preventing you from doing the things you want, and being the person you want to be with your partner, family, friends and colleagues.
2. Eliminate excuses to boost your confidence and success. You are also welcome to download, read and action the exercises in your free copy of Chapter 1 of my book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence. (You will find the download link at the top right hand panel of that webpage.) This chapter will assist you to more fully understand the negative effects of excuses, and you will discover how to stop excuses and blame for greater confidence and personal and professional success.
Imagine empowering yourself and others for greater success without the excuses!