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NLP | relationships

Looking for Love in
All the Wrong Places?

by Dr. Vesna Grubacevic


Do you attend social events or do online dating to find love, yet without success? Are you wondering why you are still alone, while your friends have relationships?

Love is all around you

Love is all around you – all you need to do is to focus your thoughts and energy on attracting it. Instead of focusing so much energy on where you need to go to find the love you are seeking, switch your focus within to more easily attract the person you desire.

If you are not clear about what you want and what is important to you in a relationship, you will just attract anyone, including a partner you may be unhappy with. This is similar to when you go shopping and you don’t know what you want, you end up buying a product you need to return because you're not satisfied with it. Likewise, if you are unclear about exactly what you want in a relationship, you will attract someone with whom you will be unhappy.

Getting Clarity

Before you attend another social event or do anymore online dating, complete the exercises below to get some insights. The first step is to clarify what you value in life and where a relationship fits in for you.

Values are what is important to you in life such as success, happiness, love, freedom, health, etc. They determine your priorities and therefore, how you spend your time and your success. What do you value?

Think about your priorities in life right now and very quickly write down the top 5 things that come to mind. Then put them in order of priority, right now.

If a relationship is missing from your list of life values, this explains why you have not been attracting a relationship – it is just not important to you in life, so you are not focusing on it, nor taking action towards it.

Ideally, if you want to attract and keep a relationship in your life, a relationship should be in your top five life values; and the higher up it is as a priority, the more time and energy you will spend on attracting it and making it work.

This time, think about your priorities in your relationship with a partner right now and very quickly write down the top 5 things that come to mind. Then put them in order of priority, right now.

Is there anything missing on your list? If you want to attract and keep a relationship you truly desire, make sure that the top 5 values in a relationship reflect what you desire in a relationship with a partner.

All love is self love

To attract love, first you need to project love from the inside. You will receive what you give. If you are closed off to love, you will not attract it. If you are not loving of yourself, you will not attract it from a partner. If you put yourself down, are too hard on yourself or emotionally beat yourself up, that is what you will attract in a relationship.

Consider your beliefs about yourself and a relationship. For example, do you believe you deserve love or are unworthy of love? Do you fear rejection, being alone, being hurt or do you fear commitment? Whatever your beliefs, these will be reflected in your behaviour and other people will respond to you accordingly.

People who have strong self-love only go for what they truly want in a relationship and in life. It is only people who lack self-love who end up settling for second best.

Look for love in the right place

The best place to start looking for love is within you. By becoming aware of your values and beliefs, aligning these with the relationship you want plus showing yourself more self-love, you will more easily attract the loving relationship you desire.

Read about how our inspiring clients attracted and created the relationships they desire.


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