NLP Tips on How to Love

With Valentine’s Day here, it is a great opportunity to reflect on and put more love, affection and intimacy into your current or future relationship. Without complete openness and vulnerability between partners, love, affection and intimacy may be compromised. If either partner holds back in being totally vulnerable with the other partner (often because of their fears and self doubts), it can lead to hurt, resentment, anger, disagreement and conflict in a relationship.

Here are three NLP tips on how to love and ensure that you keep the close connection with your partner for many years.

Positive Associations

One sure fire way to ruin a relationship over time is by having too many or too intense negative associations between partners. For example, every time a couple goes to bed they argue or talk about their problems in bed. This can link arguing and talking about problems, and all the associated feelings, to the bed. Often this can lead to less intimacy in bed because of those ill feelings that have been linked to the bed. Other ways of developing negative associations include: complaining every time you speak with your partner; frowning all the time; using a commanding or demeaning tone of voice. 

Instead, next time you are with your partner, make sure that you use a facial expression, tone of voice or touch that assists your partner to feel a positive emotion.   If you want to only have a positive association to the bed, make sure that you make it off limits to fight or discuss problems in bed and only reserve the bed for intimacy.

Reignite the Attraction

Remember the first time you met and the attraction you felt for each other? Too many negative associations over time can outweigh that attraction for your partner. To reignite that attraction, sit directly opposite each other and look into each others’ eyes. As you each remember that moment in time when you were first attracted to each other, really feel that attraction. Repeat this several times on separate occasions to bring that attraction that you once felt for each other back.

Align Your Priorities

Our priorities in life and in a relationship can change over time, as can our partner’s. This is how partners can drift apart and feel little or no connection with each other. Therefore, it is important that each of you is clear about your top five priorities in life and in a relationship. Your priorities determine how you spend your time, so if you complain that your partner spends little time with you, perhaps your and your partner’s priorities in life and in a relationship are different. It is important that you align your priorities, then set common goals that you can work towards as a couple.

Applying these strategies will help you to learn how to love, and will assist you to keep a close and strong connection with your partner for many years to come.

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