Please Accept Me!
by Dr. Vesna Grubacevic
- Do you feel that you don’t belong, are judged or not accepted by other people?
- Are you seeking other people’s approval before you do things?
- Do you adjust your behaviour (eg start smoking, drinking, gossiping, being negative, doing things to please other people, etc) in order to fit in?
- Would you like to fit in and be accepted by other people without compromising yourself in the process?
Are You Judge or Jury?
How do you treat other people? Do you judge them or condemn them before really understanding their point of view? Or do you accept them unconditionally for who they are? Every one of us has our own values, beliefs, etc which drive our behaviour. Rather than judging the person as wrong or right or good or bad, respect that people have different ways of relating to the world. Their view of the world is correct for them as yours is for you.
People are also much more than their behaviour. Each one of us has infinite potential to achieve so much more. Sometimes the behaviours we use limit our potential. So rather than judging the person as a bad person, instead see the person as totally magnificent. Look at their behaviour and how it needs to change so that person realises more of their potential. People are inherently good with good intentions. Sometimes people’s behaviour is inappropriate or ineffective for the results that they seek.
Often we judge ourselves and others based on our beliefs. For example, if we have a belief that we are not good enough, we will continue comparing and judging ourself versus others even if our results are far superior to our past performance. It still isn’t enough. Some people need approval and feel that they don’t belong even if they are part of a family, circle of friends, society, community, etc. Because of those beliefs, they compromise themselves to fit in, to get approval and to feel a sense of belonging.
If we have a fear of not being accepted, not fitting in, not belonging, being judged, etc., these fears will help us to attract the very things we fear – the fears will become self fulfilling prophesies. Therefore, it is important to identify and address any such beliefs and fears so that we can stop judging ourselves and others.
All Acceptance is Self Acceptance
Before we can seek acceptance from others, we need to give ourselves permission to accept ourselves as we are right now. This includes the things you could improve or learn from so that you can create what you really want in your life. Until you reach a point where you can look in the mirror and honestly say you really love and fully accept yourself for who you are, you will find it difficult to fully feel acceptance from other people.
How often do you achieve things only to ignore or skim over them and move on to the next thing? A very simple way to start learning to accept yourself is to keep a daily success journal, in which you record all your daily successes (at least three small and/or large ones). These successes would include things you physically do and say, any positive thoughts and feelings you have, any action you take on your goals, anything nice that you do for yourself or other people, anything nice others do for you, your positive qualities, etc.
Showing yourself daily gratitude for your successes will encourage your unconscious mind to keep creating even more success in your life. Remember that success breeds success!
So next time you go to judge anyone, including yourself, pay attention to your self talk. It will give you clues as to the beliefs you need to address so that you can fully accept yourself and others.
Read about how one of our clients transformed his life by accepting himself!
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