How to Mend a Broken Heart

by Dr. Vesna Grubacevic

Have you recently broken up with your partner and do you feel heart-broken? Are you single, have been single for a while and fear having your heart broken again? Do you feel hurt, rejected, betrayed or angry as you think about your ex? Would you like to mend your broken heart and start a new fulfilling relationship?

A break-up, separation or divorce can be very challenging, as can be healing a broken heart. Here are four steps to help you on your journey.

1. Let go of past fears, hurts and self doubts

Any time we go through a break-up, we can feel emotionally hurt and it can affect our self-esteem. Firstly, you need to be aware of the emotions that you are feeling. Are the emotions of anger, hurt, betrayal, fear, rejection, etc out of proportion – do you find yourself overreacting to people’s comments when they ask you about your past relationships? If so, this is a sign that you need to let go of these past emotions so that you can move on and stop living in the past.

It is also important to let go of any limiting beliefs around past or future relationships (eg. fear of being hurt again, fear of failure, not good enough, being judged, not worthy of being loved, etc). Holding onto these beliefs will only help you to attract similar patterns in your future relationships. The more your mind is cluttered with those memories of the past, the less clarity and focus you have to focus your mind on having what you truly desire in the future.

2. Forgive and remember the lesson

Have you forgiven your ex-partner for their past behaviour? Holding onto lack of forgiveness keeps you dwelling on the past and if you focus is on the past, you stay in the past. If you do not forgive your ex-partners and hold onto what has happened, you can keep attracting partners with the same types of behaviours and traits. The pattern will continue.

When you forgive, you learn from the situation rather than forget about it or condone any inappropriate behaviour. The only reason that people hold onto the past is so that they can learn from it; once we learn from it, it is easier to forgive and to let it go. By learning from the situation now you will avoid repeating the same lessons in your future relationships.

3. Stop beating up on yourself

If you ever think, “Why did I get into this relationship in the first place?” or “Why did I let my ex treat me that way?” you may be feeling anger at yourself or beating up on yourself. If you are angry or disappointed in yourself for past mistakes in the relationship, keep in mind that these events and people are there simply for you to learn from, rather than mistakes. Punishing yourself for what you did or did not do only hurts you and your happiness.

Look at how you participated in and contributed to the past relationship – take responsibility for your part in the relationship and consider how you could have done things differently. Ask yourself what you can learn from the relationship because the learning will assist you to let it go and to move on. It is also important to forgive yourself as you are human and are doing the best you know how based on your experiences and upbringing.

4. Rediscover yourself

Some people can lose themselves in a relationship and compromise themselves for love. As a result, they can lose their true identity and happiness, and stop doing the things that give them joy. For example, some people stop exercising, others give up their hobbies and some see their friends less often, etc.

A break up provides an opportunity to take time out and rediscover yourself, to indulge in being you and align yourself for attracting what you really want in your life, including your next relationship. Also take this time to forgive and accept yourself unconditionally. Focus your energy on being your best and enjoy being the magnificent you.