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Reignite the Connection in Your Relationship

by Dr. Vesna Grubacevic

Has your partner stopped looking at you in that special way, doing or saying special things?  Do you feel like you have lost the connection and closeness with your partner?  Are you feeling alone in your relationship?

From Excitement to Comfortable

When we first get into a new relationship, we feel the excitement, passion and adventure of someone new in our life.  In that excitement, we are open to experiencing new things and are more accommodating of the other person’s needs.  After years of being in the same relationship, complacency can set in, and partners can end up in a comfort zone.

The main problem with a comfort zone is that we can drift along in life and in a relationship feeling unfulfilled.  We stop challenging ourselves and each other, and the excitement of life and the relationship may gradually disappear over the years.  In turn, the close connection and intimacy between partners can suffer.

By using the three strategies below you can prevent this happening in your relationship, and ensure that you reignite that connection with your partner, and keep it for many years.

Positive Associations 

One sure fire way to ruin a relationship over time is by having too many or too intense negative associations between partners.  For example, every time a couple goes to bed they argue or talk about their problems in bed.  This can link arguing and talking about problems, and all the associated feelings, to the bed.  Often this can lead to less intimacy in bed because of those ill feelings that have been linked to the bed.  Other ways of developing negative associations include: complaining every time you speak with your partner; frowning all the time; using a commanding or demeaning tone of voice.

Instead, next time you are with your partner, make sure that you use a facial expression, tone of voice or touch that assists your partner to feel a positive emotion (eg. happiness, confidence, joy, motivation, etc).  If you want to only have a positive association to the bed, make sure that you make it off limits to fight or discuss problems in bed, and only reserve the bed for intimacy.

Reignite the Attraction

Remember the first time you met and the attraction you felt for each other?  Too many negative associations over time can outweigh that attraction for your partner.  To reignite that attraction, it is important to first identify and let go of all the negative associations from the past.  Then once these are addressed, it is much easier to set up new positive associations with your partner.  These positive associations can then last a very long time provided both partners avoid creating new negative associations with each other.

Align Your Priorities 

Our priorities in life and in a relationship can change over time, as can our partner’s.  This is how partners can drift apart and feel little or no connection with each other.  Therefore, it is important that each of you is clear about your top five priorities in life and in a relationship.  Your priorities determine how you spend your time, so if you complain that your partner spends little time with you, perhaps your and your partner’s priorities in life and in a relationship are different.  It is important that you align your priorities, then set common goals that you can work towards as a couple.

Applying these strategies will assist you to reignite and keep a close and strong connection with your partner for many years to come.

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