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8 Signs You Are Feeling Jealous

Do you feel excited and genuinely happy for others when they succeed?  Or do you pretend to be happy for them while deep down the green eyed monster lurks?

What is Jealousy?anxiety1

Jealousy is an emotion that people feel out of insecurity about themselves.  It is a feeling you feel when you are upset, angry and/or resentful towards someone else for their success, for who they are with or what they have.

Jealousy can cause us to act unkindly towards others.  We can be jealous of:

  • others’ successes and achievements
  • what other people have eg. car, house, business, job, wealth, etc
  • other people’s partner, family, friends, colleagues, networks, etc
  • other people’s lifestyle
  • other people’s appearance and dress style
  • other people’s personality traits
  • etc

Jealousy can be a hidden unconscious emotion and you may be unaware of it. So below are some subtle and some more obvious signs to help you to identify any jealousy you may have.  In particular, pay attention if you do more than two of the below or do at least one of the below more than a few times.

1.   You Ignore

When you family, friends, colleagues have a success or achievement you ignore it.  You avoid replying to their emails, calls or texts, and pretend you never knew or heard of their success.  You may even go to the extreme of avoiding any contact with that person as their presence is a reminder of your insecurity about yourself.

2.   You Pretend

You pretend you are happy when other people succeed, yet deep down inside the green eyed monster lurks.  You feel resentful of their success and begrudgingly compliment them.  You pause a while before responding to someone’s success as you carefully consider your reply.

3.   You Downplay

You downplay others’ success by purposefully mentioning people even more successful than they are to make their accomplishments seem smaller.  You are never impressed, brush off their success and put their success down to luck rather than effort.  That makes you feel better for not having the success they have.

4.   You Doom and Gloom

When your family, friends and colleagues mention their upcoming exciting plans you rain on their parade.  You say things like:

“Camping sounds great and I hear there will be a thunderstorm that weekend.”

“Great news regarding your new house, but how will you ever repay such a big mortgage?”

Pointing out the possible negatives to them reflects your own negativity and insecurity.

5.   You Copy

Jealous people are insecure and they will often copy others who are successful because their own low self-belief and confidence prevents them from creating something unique.  You copy how successful people look, dress, talk, write, etc. so you feel better about yourself.  Yet, these are all superficial and a short term fix rather than addressing the underlying insecurity you have.

6.   You Compete

Jealousy fires you up and you get overly competitive with others.  You flaunt your success rather than celebrating others’ success when they share it with you. You keep up with the Jones’ so you prove that you are as worthy as those who are successful.  You may even compete for attention from your manager, friends, partner or family.  This form of competition is unhealthy as it can lead to financial issues, as well as sour personal and professional relationships.

7.   You Undermine

Instead of acknowledging others’ success, you focus on their failure.  You are amongst the first to point out when something does not work for them, and you privately feel good when they make mistakes or are corrected by others.  You secretly enjoy others’ failures and their failure puts you in a better mood than you were before that news.  You gossip, criticise, spread rumours about others, and put them down so that you feel better about yourself.  You blame others for your mistakes to make them look bad.

8.   You Rage

News of others’ success has you go into a jealous rage. You have a jealous tantrum and make it all about how you are feeling.  This takes the focus off their success.  The jealousy and anger you feel is so intense that you are unable to contain your emotions.  They erupt like a volcano.  This is a sign you really need to address the jealousy and anger before someone gets hurt.

From Jealous to Joyous

To overcome jealousy once and for all and be truly joyous for others’ success, you need to:

  • Own It: How you respond to other people’s success speaks volumes about you.  Take responsibility for feeling the jealousy, stop blaming others and their success on how you feel.
  • Let it Go: Address the jealousy and related emotions and insecurities at the unconscious level because that is where they reside.
  • Focus on You: Jealousy of others reflects your own unhappiness with yourself and your life.  Focus on where you are now, which areas of your life you wish to change or improve.  Set goals, take action and watch the success flow.
  • Feel the Joy: Joy for others begins with joy for yourself. Once you do the above, you will improve your own confidence and success, and feel real joy!

Would you like some help in overcoming jealousy, anger, resentment and insecurity?  Empower yourself with your free NLP resources today.

Looking forward to empowering you.

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