How to Spring Clean Your Relationships
- Are you tired of being emotionally drained by toxic colleagues, managers and direct reports?
- Do other people undermine or control you?
- Would you like to spring clean your relationships, and stop overreacting to other people?
More and more people are seeking my help to deal with people who have toxic behaviours. The effects of people’s toxic behaviour on others can be devastating to their mental, emotional, physical and financial health, as well as their work performance and their relationships.
As you would spring clean your home or office, now is the perfect time to also spring clean your relationships.
Take Stock of Your Relationships
Before you make any major decisions to leave your job, end your relationship or banish people from your life, take stock. Firstly, look at who is in your professional and personal life.
Consider people you interact with:
- at work: colleagues, manager, direct reports, suppliers, customers, etc
- at home: partner, children
- socially: extended family, friends, colleagues, etc
Then for each one, ask yourself:
- How does this person behave around me?
- Do I feel energised or drained after speaking with them?
- Are they affecting me positively or negatively?
Self Honesty
Next consider the following and honestly answer:
- are your anger, hurt, resentment, rejection, betrayal or jealousy “buttons” being pushed by other people?
- do you take other people’s comments too personally?
- how much do you dwell on or fester over other people’s behaviour towards you?
- are your self doubts and insecurities causing you to react negatively to other people?
With the above self-reflection, below are at least 4 options for you to choose between:
1. Keep the Status Quo
The first option is to keep all those people in your life. To stay in the same personal and professional relationships, and put up with those people’s behaviour. This includes changing nothing within you. Not addressing your “buttons”, and continuing to react to other people’s behaviour in the same ways.
The challenge with keeping the status quo is that you will continue to feel those emotions as those people push your “buttons”. After a while, those emotions can have a detrimental effect on your mental, emotional and physical health, on your work performance and on your relationships. In addition, by doing nothing differently and allowing those people to keep being toxic around you, you are supporting their behaviour.
If you make the choice to keep the status quo and to change nothing, remember to take responsibility for it and any potential consequences. If you choose this option, then do your best to make the most of it for as long as you choose to have those people in your life.
2. Exit
From the assessment above, you can choose which people to keep and which ones to exit from your life. This will be easier professionally e.g. changing job roles in the same company or changing companies. It can be more challenging personally e.g. with a partner and family.
Be careful! Many people think this is the solution, yet often it is not. You want to avoid securing a new job only to find that your manager, colleagues or direct reports have the same behaviour as those in your current job. Likewise, you want to avoid getting into a new relationship or making new friends only to discover that your new partner and friends behave towards you in the same ways.
Remember the longer you leave your “buttons” unaddressed, the more you will keep recreating the same patterns with your current and future personal and professional relationships. In turn, this will prevent you from having the relationships you truly desire.
3. Manage Other People
The next option is to keep these people in your life, and learn how to manage them more effectively. Change how you communicate with and influence them. Be warned that this option often requires extra effort and energy as you will need to step out of your comfort zone, and be flexible in dealing with them. Often this is only dealing with the symptoms rather than the cause of the real issues.
If you are prepared to put in the effort and energy, pay special attention to different communication and personality styles. Then learn the techniques to be flexible in how you communicate with them. Make sure you have rapport with them, and appeal to their unique styles. This is where NLP techniques become very useful in understanding, communicating and managing people with different preferences and styles to your own.
4. Transform the Disempowering into Empowering
This option involves identifying and permanently addressing the deepest subconscious causes of your disempowering personal and professional relationships. It is important to identify all the disempowering dynamics between you and each of those people. By the way, there are hundreds of possible disempowering dynamics, and deep core unconscious issues (which are much deeper than our unconscious values and beliefs). My job is to quickly identify, and address these with you.
We can fully address each deep core unconscious issue in 5 minutes. This means that you can now overcome disempowering or toxic people dynamics without being triggered. This is because we never work with memories or talk about the past. These techniques quickly, safely, permanently and elegantly disentangle clients from a disempowering or toxic relationship dynamic.
This means you can safely and quickly address all your “buttons”, while transforming the relationship dynamics with people in your life. Imagine never again attracting disempowering behaviours and people, and only having empowering ones instead!
Time to Decide
Which option will you choose to spring clean your relationships?
You can begin your relationship spring clean today by:
- empowering yourself with your FREE resources
- reaching out to me at vesna@qttransformation.com with any questions, and for a confidential reply
- emailing me at vesna@qttransformation.com to book your free Empowerment phone session with me to spring clean your relationships.
Looking forward to empowering you.
* One 30 minute phone Empowerment session is offered to each brand new enquiry.
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Category: NLP & Business, NLP & Career, NLP & Relationships