The Most Important NLP Skill
- Do you get annoyed when other people judge you before getting to know you?
- How quick are you to pass judgement on your colleagues, manager, customers, suppliers, family and friends?
- Are your assumptions of other people sabotaging your relationships and career/business success?
You have probably heard the expression “Never Judge a Book by Its Cover”, yet some people can be quick to make judgements of others.
In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), we have many skills and techniques for quickly changing behaviour, accelerating performance and success, and communicating to create harmonious personal and professional relationships.
One of the most important NLP skills is adopting empowering beliefs when interacting with others. In NLP, we have 16 empowering beliefs that we adopt to ensure our thoughts are aligned with our outcomes. These are called NLP Presuppositions.
Adopting these empowering beliefs guides our behaviour and communication so that we achieve our outcomes, and also assist others to achieve their desired outcomes. These empowering beliefs are the foundation skill which enable us to use NLP techniques to quickly change behaviour, accelerate performance and more effectively communicate with others for win-win outcomes.
Respect Different Models of the World
The most important NLP presupposition for effective communication and change is to respect different models of the world.
We never say that one person’s view is right and another’s is wrong, or judge their views: we respect the different points of view. By respecting another person’s view of the world, we step into it for the purpose of understanding it, all the while remaining true to our own values, beliefs, and view of the world.
Rather than forcing others to change their model of the world to fit into ours, we learn how to communicate effectively with people who hold different views of the world. When we appreciate another person’s viewpoint, it is easier for us to understand them, to relate to them, and to be more effective in our communication with them.
Importantly, we are unable to make anyone do anything they choose not to do. People have free will and they choose what, when and how they want to change. With NLP we simply make it easier for them to make those changes.
By respecting other people’s model of the world and using their model of the world in the process of change, we also help others to achieve better results.
Do You Limit or Empower?
William Shakespeare said “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” When we think, judge or label someone or something as bad, we see it as bad and this affects how we relate to that person, thing or situation.
How we label people and their behaviour defines them in our mind; it limits them and limits us in how we relate to them. How we relate to them can either sour and sabotage our relationship with them or build greater harmony and connection with them. In turn, the quality of our relationships can affect our personal and professional success.
Often, we judge ourselves and others based on our beliefs. For example, if you have a belief that you are not good enough, you will probably be comparing and judging yourself versus others, even if your current results are far superior to your past performance. It still won’t be enough. This belief will also cause you to judge others in similar ways.
If we have a fear of being judged or any other fear, these fears help us to attract the very things we fear – the fears become self-fulfilling prophesies (which has been proven through research). Therefore, it is important to identify and address any such beliefs and fears so that we can stop judging ourselves and others.
In contrast, when we have empowering beliefs about other people, we empower them and ourselves. Are you judge or jury? What are your beliefs about people? Do they limit you and others or empower you and them?
Really Getting to Know Other People
The best way to really get to know other people is to stop making assumptions about them. Because the moment you do, that is how you will view them – your assumptions will label them and will keep them stuck in that label for as long as you hold onto those assumptions about them. Instead, get to know them by understanding them.
Likewise, if you want other people to get to know you, you need to be more effective in how you communicate with them. This means understanding what motivates them and how they think, so that you can tailor your message to their preferences. In turn, they will better understand you, and you will avoid misunderstandings, disagreements and frustration.
Understand what makes other people tick, what makes you tick, then be flexible and work with their preferences to be more effective in communicating and influencing for win-win outcomes.
How to Respect and Work with Differences
- empower yourself with your free NLP resources
- address your fears, beliefs around being judged, self-doubts and insecurities. Reach out to Dr Vesna at vesna@qttransformation.com with any questions, and for a confidential reply
- Learn how to help yourself and others to transform fears, beliefs around being judged, self-doubts and insecurities, learn advanced communication skills and more at our next Transformational NLP Practitioner certification training. Email Dr Vesna at vesna@qttransformation.com for a full information pack and your special offer.
Looking forward to empowering you.
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