Before You Judge Me, Get to Know Me!
- Do you get annoyed when other people judge you before getting to know you?
- How quick are you to pass judgement on your colleagues, manager, customers, suppliers, family and friends?
- Do you judge others or condemn them before really understanding their point of view? Or do you accept them unconditionally for who they are?
- Are your assumptions of other people sabotaging your relationships and career/business success?
You have probably heard the expression “Never Judge a Book by Its Cover”, yet some people can be quick to make judgements of others. Below are a few tips to help you to stop making judgements so that you can start to really get to know others, and improve your personal and professional relationships and success.
Are You Judge or Jury?
William Shakespeare said “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” When we think, judge or label someone or something as bad, we see it as bad and this affects how we relate to that person, thing or situation. How we label people and their behaviour defines them in our mind; it limits them and limits us in how we relate to them. How we relate to them can either sour and sabotage our relationship with them or build greater harmony and connection with them. In turn, the quality of our relationships can affect our personal and professional success.
Often we judge ourselves and others based on our beliefs. For example, if you have a belief that you are not good enough, you will probably be comparing and judging yourself versus others, even if your current results are far superior to your past performance. It still won’t be enough. This belief will also cause you to judge others in similar ways.
If we have a fear of being judged or any other fear, these fears help us to attract the very things we fear – the fears become self-fulfilling prophesies (which has been proven through research). Therefore, it is important to identify and address any such beliefs and fears so that we can stop judging ourselves and others. In contrast, when we have empowering beliefs about other people, they empower them and ourselves. What are your beliefs about people? Do they limit you and others or empower you and them?
Understanding Leads to Effective Communication
Your communication is powerful, and it has the potential to build trust and create close relationships or to cause schisms and conflict.
Every one of us has our own values and beliefs, which are amongst the over 60 filters which make us tick and drive our behaviour. Rather than judging other people as wrong or right or good or bad, respect that people have different ways of relating to the world. While their view of the world may be different to yours, their view of the world is correct for them as yours is for you.
By respecting another person’s view of the world, we step into it for the purpose of understanding it, all the while remaining true to our own values, beliefs, and view of the world. Rather than forcing others to change their view of the world to fit into ours, we can learn how to communicate effectively with people who hold different views of the world. When we appreciate another person’s viewpoint, it is easier for us to really understand them, to relate to them, and to be more effective in our communication with them.
Getting to Know Other People
The best way to get to know other people is to stop making assumptions about them. Because the moment you do, that is how you will view them – your assumptions will label them and will keep them stuck in that label for as long as you hold onto those assumptions about them. Instead, get to know them by understanding them.
Likewise, if you want other people to get to know you, you need to be more effective in how you communicate with them. This means understanding what motivates them and how they think, so that you can tailor your message to their preferences. In turn, they will better understand you as you better understand and relate to them.
Understand what makes other people tick, what makes you tick, then be flexible and work with their preferences to be more effective in communicating and influencing for win-win outcomes. Respect and work with any differences to create harmonious personal and professional relationships, and immediately improve your personal and professional success.
© Qt, 2000 - 2016. All Rights Reserved.